Twitter Weekly Updates for 2008-09-14

14September
  • Oh. I’m still here. #
  • Amuse me, Internet. I fell asleep and now can’t see anything other than my phone. Had to take out my contacts. #
  • She’s sleeping with Prince Valium tonight. #
  • Two beers, a shot of vodka, and two tumblers full of wine after 8am MAY have been overdoing it a little. #
  • I am no longer eligible to vote in Canadian federal elections. Which means I can’t vote at ALL anymore. Anywhere. Internet polls, maybe… #
  • My shoes are far less waterproof than I had thought. Right foot very damp. #
  • In the Field Museum’s Evolving Planet exhibit, AKA Hall of Lies. #
  • I guess that’s enough Spore. Housework piling up, no food in the fridge. #
  • “You got stoned and made fudge.” Well, uh… #
  • My mother is on her way south… #
  • Take the stickers off of your camera and computer. NOW! #
  • I wonder what the average number of Ikea Lack tables per Twitter user is. We now have four. #
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2008-09-05

05September
  • Intercourse the penguin. #
  • I’ve just committed yet another horticide. #
  • I’m sorry lepidopterans, but I’m going to make sure my black thumb affects all chenopods in North America. Someday, somehow! #
  • Goosefoots, this means you. In fact, I might have to expand my plans to include the entire Amaranthaceae family… #
  • I’d probably have to ingest cadmium orange to kill myself with cancer, right? Because I enjoy finger-painting. #
  • There is no #10 bus. Is there. Doesn’t exist. #
  • #10 really DOESN’T exist. Well fuck you very much Google Maps. #
  • Fuck you very much also to the CTA signs that omit this pertinent information. #
  • Should have been a mycologist. #
  • I am the pirate who doesn’t touch ANYTHING! …or that doesn’t touch anything. One or the other. I hate getting quotations wrong. #
  • Wasn’t there a version of the “So I Married an Axe Murderer” cover where Harriet has an axe behind her back? Its the only way it makes sense #
  • The one with the heart in the BG. I swear I’m not crazy. Someone in Canada check yours. They shooped it out in every version I can find. #
  • So, who’s been cheating at http://www.dharmawantsyou.com ? Not me! #
  • Does anyone know if the Dirk Gently books are “translated” to American like the H2G2? Wanted to buy, didn’t know a passage to check offhand. #
  • In Hitchhiker’s you can check whether Arthur needs a torch or a flashlight in the display department. #
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